I am writing this on the assumption that, if I asked the archetypal conservative Christian which he was more primarily, conservative or Christian, he would without hesitation answer that is he primarily a Christian. That means he’s informed by his Bible (and, if he’s a Catholic or a rare species of Protestant, his Church) before he’s informed by his party. My anathema is a reduction ad absurdum. With this religious primacy as my premise, I want to show that this is exactly what a conservative Christian is not doing – putting his Bible first – and that, in fact, “conservative” and “Christian” are irreconcilable.