Hi, y’all! Eh? (That was just to indicate my current half-American, half-Canadian status.) I suppose you’ve all been desperately wondering what happened to Carson Spratt. Or not. I’m sorry about the long delay for posting. But anyway, in case you were all wondering…I fell off the face of the earth. Now, some people use that phrase to mean that they lost contact for a while, but it really happened to me. There I was, having graduated on May 29 (Yippee!) and I decided to go for a walk. I meditated in quiet introspection, hither and yon, when I carelessly tripped over a rock, and plunged into the abyss. Fortunately, I had the presence of mind to grab the lip of rock I had been standing on, and clung to it like a possessive limpet. Unfortunately, I neglected to eat my breakfast that morning (it’s the most important meal or the day, you know) and I lost my strength. Down I went. Fortunately, I landed on a ledge on the way down, rather like Alice in the rabbit-hole, and found myself in a small town called Meritt. Unfortunately, I found myself pressed into service as a drywaller, mudder and taper, and painter. I only just managed to escape today, having formed rock-climbing equipment out of tent-spikes, several spoons, eight thousand braided Kleenexes, and a mudding trowel. I hauled myself back up the Cliff (which strongly resembled the Cliffs of Insanity [I passed the man in black on the way up]), with two weeks growth of a beard and a working knowledge of how to peg a tent into a vertical rock face. Anyways, I’m going to fall off the face of the earth again in a couple of days, so you won’t hear from me (there’s no internet over the side of the earth, you know.) Anyways, keep up the good work, and always remember to slap those mosquitoes. (Incidentally, the Meritt variety of mosquitoes have supersonic speed and the voracity of R.O.U.S’s.) If I’m not back in at least three weeks, call the Jehovah’s Witnesses. They’ll penetrate anywhere there’s a house.

P.S. In case anyone was wondering what happens to mosquitoes after the Final Judgement, Nate Wilson says “A Heaven for mosquitoes and a Hell for people could be very conveniently combined.