Comments on: Two Poems

By: T.S.R.

T.S.R. — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 01:31:41 +0000

Wow.

By: Lucie

Lucie — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 01:43:32 +0000

Your style of poetry is something I usually don’t care for too much. *ignores yelling in the background screaming “Understatement!!”*
However, “Caves” is amazing. It’s going into my commonplace book.

(If you want to change misty-moist, perhaps mucky- or muddy- moist? It keeps the alliteration and syllable count, and is more accurate.)

By: P Sage

P Sage — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:56:10 +0000

Just listen to what you grandmother has to say James – these are GREAT!

By: H. G. Roorda

H. G. Roorda — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 18:46:58 +0000

Well, you asked…

I am always concerned that there’s some Secret Poetry Punctuation Code that I haven’t been allowed to see. Or perhaps only truly intelligent people can see the emperor’s clothes?

What does the lack of capitalization mean? Why are there italics? How can I know why you used a dash instead of a colon? Is it supposed to be visual, rather than heard?

How is the reader supposed to know all these things?

By: A. Ahern

A. Ahern — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 16:59:57 +0000

Good stuff.

I don’t mean to sound overly excited. But “Caves” is one of the best poems I’ve read. That’s a period at the end of that sentence.

By: Nick

Nick — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 08:22:25 +0000

I can’t say I like all of your effects and technique; inventive wordplay has never particularly entranced me. But I keep coming back to these over and over again, and I keep feeling them. I think it has something to do with a kind of syntax of ideas and emotions. More later, if I manage to rationalize it more.

By: V. K. Blake

V. K. Blake — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 04:11:34 +0000

Ah, I see. I would have said that waves made lots of “s”s and “sh”s and “f”s. Which I guess “fritz” is good for, but it just seems like a silly word to me.

By: P. James McCord

P. James McCord — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 01:26:30 +0000

A general thank you to all of you. I wasn’t sure anyone would like these.

Lauren — yes, I knew I was going out on a limb making up adjectives that way. I’m glad you liked them, although it could certainly be argued that I’m simply bluffing for alliteration’s sake.

Carson — thanks for the high praise. Judging from your work, I doubt you need any help with inspiration.

Vicki –well, nonsense poetry might be putting it a little strongly. The lines you mentioned were an attempt to imitate the sounds waves make: lots of “r”s, “l”s, and “O” vowels, to my ear.

Erin — I appreciate your input as a spelunker. I am not so familiar with caves as you seem to be. While a realistic portrayal of caverns was not my primary objective, I’ll consider changing “misty-moist”. As I think about it, that phrase does seem rather clunky, doesn’t it? Let me see…

By: Erin

Erin — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 06:18:13 +0000

by which I mean, “Caves”. well, I like caves too, but I was referring to your poem, that I really liked.

By: Erin

Erin — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 06:16:40 +0000

“stalactooned and misty-moist”

I liked it all except for that line. Mainly, because I’ve gone caving several times, and though caves are definitely moist, misty is far to “clean” an adjective to describe a cave. Have you gone caving? were the caves you went caving in misty? I may only know Arizona caves, but such caves I’ve been in were slimy, mucky, muddy, and sandy. Humid perhaps, but not “misty”.
the adjective is unreal. And perhaps it would add more depth if you showed that like caves, the mind is not all pure?
but perhaps impurity would ruin it.
I don’t know. My internal organs rebelled at the word “misty”.
What do you think, Pepper?
Other than that, I really like caves.