Comments on: Three Poems

By: E. M. Hansen

E. M. Hansen — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 00:41:47 +0000

First, it’s not intended as any kind of criticism or statement. Lighthearted word-play (with ‘conceit,’ ‘feet,’ and ‘metre’) was my only goal. In my explanation to Miss Blake, I should have said rather that the poem is instructing a poet how to write metrically; but the content is not important.

Second, I think that rhythm is the foundation of poetry. I don’t have time tonight, though, to explain my position in detail.

By: Carson Spratt

Carson Spratt — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 00:01:35 +0000

Your poem Paronomasia seems to be some sort of criticism of free verse. Do you believe that free verse cannot function as poetry? Or, are you merely stating that metered poetry goes further with the general public? I myself am a bit of a believer in free verse, though I still love writing metric poetry. I believe that if a free verse poem can describe some part of the world truthfully to the reader, then it counts as poetry. I’d be interested to know your position on this.

By: E. M. Hansen

E. M. Hansen — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 15:38:58 +0000

Master McCord: Thank you for your helpful criticism, especially on ‘Angel of Music,’ which was largely unedited. I agree that ’steel’ — added at the last minute to correct a metrical error — is inconsistent with the tone; I’ll consider re-phrasings of that and the other words that you pointed out. I also agree that ‘Tracking the Muse’ is stale; it is an uninspired reflection on my general lack of inspiration, and as such probably not worth posting.

Miss Blake: No, the poems are only connected in that they were written within about six months of each other. ‘Paronomasia’ is instructing a poet to write metrically, but ‘Angel of Music’ is already metric (roughly blank verse).

I would really appreciate any other suggestions on ‘Angel of Music’; I may decide to revise it and, eventually, post it again.

By: V. K. Blake

V. K. Blake — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 23:36:32 +0000

Is the first poem written to the second one?

By: P. James McCord

P. James McCord — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 20:00:24 +0000

Clever, beautiful, and stale, respectively.

Sometimes I find it helpful to assign colors, or better, musical timbres– not just to the sound of a syllable (that’s easy), but to the many concepts referenced or evoked by a particular word. Be careful of a word or phrase that is likely to lead the mind of a reader into an attitude or emotion contrary to or unhelpful of your timbre. In a short poem like this, dialectical tone is the essential and nonnegotiable element, which everything else must serve. It can’t be sacrificed for a lovely alliteration or even a flavorful or contrasting idea. To specify: your mysterious, whispering tone in “Angel of Music” (which I really liked), is not well served by “slamming”, or “steel-strong”. Perhaps if there was more space you could get away with those harsher colors, but here I feel like they only confuse the tone. Also examine “splits” and “declaims”. Concision of length forces concentration of ideas, as they say.

“A paleness stills the softly-drifting dust” was the best line in the post. Very good ear.